New Beginnings?


When things aren’t going to plan, it’s easy to forget what life is about. In my last blog, I wrote about my issues. Things could only get better, right?

Obviously, someone didn’t get the message about my luck changing, so another year has gone by, with things only getting worse. Every cloud has a silver lining though! You just have to dig through a lot of grey to find it.

Over this past year, my partner and I got our own flat, beautiful! I had a job, working all hours, any I could get. Things were finally starting to look up. And then the semester started again, with everything better than it had been in a long while. I was on cloud nine.

Late October, the in-laws came to visit. We were in lectures, but it was a nice break for them, and it was great to spend time with them. But once they went home, my partners mother got diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was heartbreaking. She was given three to four months. Two weeks later, she was gone.

I don’t know if you have ever had to try comforting somebody who is determined to stay so strong it makes them ill, but it’s not an easy thing to watch.

My partner had withdrawn (on a temporary basis) from university in order to help care for and spend time with his mother. As if we didn’t have enough on our plate already, the system began to fail us.

I lost my job, due to illness and lack of communication (I was obviously grieving too, but I was stupid), and because of his withdrawal, my partner was no longer being funded by the student loans company. The rent wasn’t cheap. Neither were the bills.

He decided that we needed help from the government, in the form of Job Seekers Allowance (JSA), whilst he searched for a full-time job to fund us through until he re-joined his degree in September.

They refused his claim, on the grounds that he was still enrolled at the university, meaning it was their job to lend a hand. No matter how hard we pushed, there was no leeway.

Back to the university. They told him, “We cannot help you, you are not a student until September”. Neither were willing to help. Back and forth between them, six months later we are still no closer to getting any of the money we deserved.

My partner has a paid job working seven hours a week, and a “Work Experience” job adding another thirty hours of unpaid work onto that.

The rent is going unpaid, the bills are piling up. All this time I am struggling to find work. Application after application with no success. Until today.

After months of trying to find work as well as studying, I got a reply for a “chat” and to organise a trial period.

This still doesn’t change the debt, it doesn’t erase the trauma that the government has caused. How can they be so heartless to someone who is working so hard for nothing.

This is possibly the most degrading experience of my life. Knowing that I can do nothing to stop us spiraling out of control.

All I know is, we still have each other. And one day, things will get better. And I am not going to stop fighting until we get what we deserve. Until we get help.


Hard Times will get Better! (My depression)


               “There are wounds that never show in the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds”

Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss

So, everybody goes through hard times in their life, even though sometimes they might not even realise it themselves. It can feel like everything is just going from bad to worse, and that light at the end of the tunnel has gone out.

This is how I currently feel. But it seems like nobody around me understands, they just think I am in a constant sour mood, or they say that I have no right to feel this way, because I have a roof over my head and my life isn’t as bad as some people’s. Sometimes, it’s not as easy as that.

Depression is not a lifestyle choice, people who suffer it didn’t choose to feel so bad about themselves, didn’t opt for feeling like their life was worth nothing. I would never commit suicide, I couldn’t possibly do that to my family, I couldn’t do that to a human life, no matter who’s it is, life is precious and should be celebrated not destroyed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what is going through people’s minds when they attempt to take their life. I do not condone it, people should face their problems rather than taking the easiest way out. But sometimes, that feels like it is the only way out.

Other people don’t really help either. They keep saying, you just need to get yourself sorted, get back on track, just change your mindset. I’m trying, so hard.

The life of a university student is full of ups and downs. The ups?

Good grades (when they are achieved), the friends and the opportunities presented to you! At university, you can choose your life, you can choose who you want to be for the rest of it.

But then there are the downs.

The late nights, the bills, having to take care of yourself for the first time, the work load, the exams; and then there is the one that gets me down the most, the lack of money.

I cannot get a job, anywhere. I must have applied for over fifty jobs, but none of them batted an eyelid at me! Employers don’t care for students, not in a small university town anyway.

But the thought that keeps me going through all of the pain, all of the sadness, is that all I need to do is turn that corner in the tunnel, just get round the bend, and that light will be shining more bright and more beautiful than anything I have ever seen in my life.

To all you people who suffer with depression, or know people who are, just know, you are not alone! And although we all have different circumstances, we can all get through it. Just hold your head high, don’t let it change who you are, live to smile another day!


Time Machine


Time Machine

Taking her first step into the strange new (yet old) place, well, she was dumbfounded. What could be said about this place? It was amazing how a century away from somewhere could change everything.The United Kingdom, in the year 2114. Was it still called the United Kingdom? How much exactly had changed?

The floor gleamed a pearlescent white, it was so clean, it looked as though a single person had never strolled across it’s surface, the commuters had never ran to catch their trains. The walls of the surrounding buildings were all made of glass, well it looked like glass, but everything had changed so much, could she be sure? They towered above her, twice the height of the usual skyscraper, how did they build them so tall, and still structurally sound? 

So many questions rushing through her head, but the one that stood out, the one that she hadn’t realised until the thought came to her mind, the one that worried her most. Where were all the people? 





Coffee books

Do you ever feel like you have left all of your deadlines to the last-minute?

Obviously with the upcoming summer holidays, a lot of us students just haven’t had the time to be doing coursework after coursework.

Some people think that being a student is easy! I wouldn’t give up my place for he world, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a chore sometimes! Especially when you don’t live at home with your parents. At least then you don’t have to worry about actual chores. Whereas, those of us who moved away from home, and don’t have a job, well we are officially out of money, out of food, have a massive stack of dirty laundry they you have to go digging through every day just to make sure you have something fit to wear!

But when you throw deadlines into the work, it’s as though none of that matters anymore! Because you won’t even get the chance to catch up on any of those until all that work is done!

And then there are the deadlines you don’t find out about until the day they are due! Well that’s me anyway. Still manage to get them done though! How you ask?

Beats me!

Just solid work for hours on end!

Well this blog is definitely a bit of a procrastination technique of mine, because I have some work due, and some exams to revise for. But I am just so dedicated to my readers! That and I really do not want to do this work!

But come on guys, tell us a few of your near deadline misses? Or what are some of your favourite procrastination techniques?


‘Inspire Me!’ Post 1.


‘What was the one experience that completely changed your life? What happened? How did it change your life?’

I feel that having even one constant in life is important. One thing which was never the same in my life was my relationships. Well that’s not entirely true. They were the same. That was the problem. Every single one of my relationships were boring and uneventful.

When I came to university, I spent my first year in halls of residence. The apartment I lived in contained five of us all together. Apologies for the cliché, but I actually did fall in love within the first night of meeting one of my housemates. Problem was, I was already in a relationship, but like all of my previous encounters with the opposite sex, it had become stale, boring and ultimately, the relationship had died.

I was then faced with the decision, did I stick with the relationship I was already in, and try desperately cling to the slowly fading embers? Or did I plunge headfirst into a situation that was entirely new to me? Of course I took a deep breath and dived!

Taking that risk was the best thing that ever happened to me! My partner and I are very happy together, not so happy with where we are living, but that all changes soon! That, however, is another story entirely.

I suppose the moral behind my story is, don’t always stick with the situations you know and despise. Do not allow yourself to fall into a routine. Take chances sometimes. Plan your life! Don’t let life plan you.

Live life to the max.



Have you ever been stuck in that situation where you don’t know what you want to do with your life? 

I am. Right now! 

I think I want to start working with sharks, well my degree would allow for that, but I don’t honestly know! 

I still hold all of those childish hopes that one day I might be famous and have made a name for myself doing something that I love. My problem is, I love doing so many things! 

I love to draw, and I’m not bad if I do say so myself, I love to write, which is why I am on here right now, I love acting, and dancing, and being creative in every sense of the word. I am a pretty good cook and I wouldn’t mind taking that further! Not to mention, I would love to start a vlog or get a few readers for my blog! 

I don’t quite know where I am going with this post. Maybe you could post about your situation if you are in a similar one! I am sure it is the same for most students. Between essays, practicals and exams, where do we get the time to have a hobby? Which, for me, means I want to make my hobbies my life! But who can do them all?!