“There are wounds that never show in the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds”
Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss
So, everybody goes through hard times in their life, even though sometimes they might not even realise it themselves. It can feel like everything is just going from bad to worse, and that light at the end of the tunnel has gone out.
This is how I currently feel. But it seems like nobody around me understands, they just think I am in a constant sour mood, or they say that I have no right to feel this way, because I have a roof over my head and my life isn’t as bad as some people’s. Sometimes, it’s not as easy as that.
Depression is not a lifestyle choice, people who suffer it didn’t choose to feel so bad about themselves, didn’t opt for feeling like their life was worth nothing. I would never commit suicide, I couldn’t possibly do that to my family, I couldn’t do that to a human life, no matter who’s it is, life is precious and should be celebrated not destroyed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what is going through people’s minds when they attempt to take their life. I do not condone it, people should face their problems rather than taking the easiest way out. But sometimes, that feels like it is the only way out.
Other people don’t really help either. They keep saying, you just need to get yourself sorted, get back on track, just change your mindset. I’m trying, so hard.
The life of a university student is full of ups and downs. The ups?
Good grades (when they are achieved), the friends and the opportunities presented to you! At university, you can choose your life, you can choose who you want to be for the rest of it.
But then there are the downs.
The late nights, the bills, having to take care of yourself for the first time, the work load, the exams; and then there is the one that gets me down the most, the lack of money.
I cannot get a job, anywhere. I must have applied for over fifty jobs, but none of them batted an eyelid at me! Employers don’t care for students, not in a small university town anyway.
But the thought that keeps me going through all of the pain, all of the sadness, is that all I need to do is turn that corner in the tunnel, just get round the bend, and that light will be shining more bright and more beautiful than anything I have ever seen in my life.
To all you people who suffer with depression, or know people who are, just know, you are not alone! And although we all have different circumstances, we can all get through it. Just hold your head high, don’t let it change who you are, live to smile another day!